About Me

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London, United Kingdom
This is the journey of an average girl trying to lose weight and embarking on a new adventure. Everything you read and see posted from me is real. I wear my heart on my sleeve and make mistakes just like everyone! Everything on this page is just my opinion I do not claim to be an expert I am just giving my account of how I feel!

Monday, 11 June 2012

Glitch in the Matrix

Dealing with Occasions

Oh dear....what can I say apart from I have lost my way a little. I have still been going to CrossFit but my diet/eating clean plan needs to go through the dishwasher!

It was all going so well until my birthday 1st June, Matt took me to this wonderful quirky hotel and restaurant called The Crazy Bear in Beaconsfield (I totally recommend it) the meal started with whitebait in breadcrumbs followed by a huge burger and chips (poshly done) and to finish a creamy rice pudding with strawberry compote oh and don't forget the strawberry champagne cocktail on the side. All the food there is organic and a lot of the ingredients are home grown at their farm in Oxford so although an indulgent treat at least I knew the ingredients were not processed. For me it was the alcohol that started the slip into past habits, later that evening we had a Chinese meal at my aunts which I tried to be good by having egg fu yung which is basically an omelet and then a little rice on the side. She then surprised me with a Thornton's fudge cake - I know this is going to sound cliche but how can you say no when someone has gone to the effort for you? I had a very small slice. The next day I woke up with a very upset stomach, I am convinced the re-introduction of the sugar and wheat was to blame. For the next day or so after that I stayed away from the "baddies".

The downhill slope started again when I decided it would be a good idea to make cupcakes for the first time for the Queens Diamond Jubilee celebrations (see pic to the left), I organised a street party and because we were not flush with cash I wanted to make an effort with the ingredients I did have already in the cupboard, can I just say that I could NEVER be a baker.....OMG I must have licked the bowl and my fingers about 9000 times! I really did try hard at first not to, I even chewed gum so I would not like the mixed flavour but nothing worked. Needless to say I don't think I can ever make them again as I cannot control myself at all. The smell they send around the house when baking is too much for me so note to self "no baking cakes". So after consuming 5 cupcakes (over a two day period) and half a tonne of icing I also consumed 2 bottles of rose wine during the street festivities and loads of meats from the BBQ's. Again I woke with an upset stomach but this time also a hangover. I don't do hangovers very well although I come from a long line of drink lovers I really suffer the next day and of course the only thing that ever helps a hangover are processed carbs and greasy food so I reached for the toast and jam - not good.

After a few not so bad days in between we then made our way down to the south coast of England with my family for a long weekend of fun and frolics in the sun, except there was no sun the whole weekend it just rained and when it rains I feel depressed and want to eat! Also anyone who knows my family know that our favourite past time is eating, our days are scheduled around eating. We had fish and chips Friday night, BBQ Saturday night plus between Matt and I we drunk a bottle of Vodka over the weekend, Sunday night was jacket potatoes and fillings plus half a large bag of thick cut cheddar cheese crisps. My trainers and I did make an appearance though for a 2.2 mile run (I only ran half though and power walked the rest) plus a swim with Josh.

If I ask myself how I truly feel after eating bad over the last week or so I would say "disgusting" although I still made healthier choices than I would normally (for example I said NO to yum yums, tortilla chips and dips, extra chips, side portion of rice etc) have on holiday I still gave in and indulged too much for someone who needs to lose 4 stone! I feel quite down today about myself and keep wondering if I will ever get to my goal. As I am typing I am trying to find that trigger again inside that will motivate me to start fresh again tomorrow.

Starting again

I have faced this feeling so many times now, I am sure like me we all have to deal with occasions such as holidays, birthdays and family gatherings and sometimes they all come at once but I am thinking that it is always better to start again than to give up right? If you are good for 300 days of a year but 65 were not so good is that not better than 365 days of eating poorly? I have to deal with these fresh starts quite regularly but I am not giving up, I try to departmentalise the last week of eating poorly and shut the door on it, there is no point sitting moping about it I just have to start again in the morning and put the past behind me. 

The luxury of tomorrow is that I can learn from this experience, I feel that I need to also up my exercise as before I was doing two crossfit sessions a week plus swimming some lunchtimes at work, however due to my cancellation of the gym I have been relying on CrossFit and I just don't think it is enough! I need to do more!